here's the short version
I've spent my entire life chasing things that I thought were good: education, success, marriage; the "perfect" dream. The net result: I'm 27 and having a mid-life crisis.
I quit my job. I don't want to have babies now, though some of you may remember how desperately I wanted them. (I thought that was the next step in life and the reason why I wasn't happy, fulfilled, etc. Truth is it wasn't. I'm the real reason.) I'm lost but couldn't bring myself to admit it.
I never wanted to have a messy life. I wanted to try and make it as clean and mistake-free as possible (let the laughter commence). I worked really hard for many years to make my dream a reality, only to come to this raw place where I finally realize I can't. I can't. Everything is being stripped away I'm having to learn to be ok with reality...and reality is imperfect. It isn't always happy or good or fun. Reality is often complicated, difficult, messy, and painful.
For the first time in my entire life I have no plan, no aim; no direction. And I'm scared.
I don't know if any of you have ever experienced this before. It's almost too difficult to express or explain with words but this is the real me right now. And this is where I've been.
Welcome to the real world Faith.
It only took you 27.5 years to get here.
On another (and I realize entirely random) note...
Here's a pretty picture for your visual appetite.
It's inspiration for my next (big) project.